What is Guilt and why can't I let go of it?
Dear friend,
thank you for your clarity and honesty. I can relate to all you say. If it was not for my family, this group, this 'life' I would very much, like you, dive into a nothingness.
After my little car accident I had a session with a friend to use the opportunity and release old patterns that emerge when we experience some form of trauma. I had a big realization.
My first one was that there was still a part of me that wanted to leave this planet and join my brother who I still miss after so many years. What I miss is being understood on all levels from a loving heart. Then I realized that I still feel guilty about his death (I am not but feel so .. not elaborating on the story now). That guilt is such a big part of my life and I could see how it manifests in many forms and this 'story' was quiet a big one. I went deeper or further into the field and found myself on a meadow with Adam and Eve and the tree and Eve picking the beautiful apple. I was really there. I looked at the act and saw how innocent it was. And then I realized that we (humans) are putting the judgement on it and then feed that judgement thru stories. There was no guilt in the act, just innocence. I could see that all fields are created by us or that consciousness in us. Then I dropped deeper or expanded further and found myself in what I can only call a god-field for a lack of a better word. That field/presence/concept/idea/god did not judge the act of Eve at all. It simply observed or even simply just IS. No judgement. All the misery, feelings of guilt, shame etc are created by us and come back to the original 'sin', a created story. We in our lives are connected to all there is and this field of guilt and shame is big and getting fed every moment by laws, social constructs and so on. In my life the story around guilt is my brother ( and then some more) but because I am still buying into that I continue to feed the field and therefore expand it.
When I realized that I made connections to so many other areas and had many downloads. I felt overwhelmed yet expanding. All I heard was : "Now that you understand and know this you have to find a way to explain it in a language that everyone can understand".
I have long felt that my journey is my gift. I sometimes feel the need to hide in the deepest place I can find as this awareness can make me feel really lonely sometimes. And yet I know that ( and that is for my journey, not a hint to you:)) I have to keep that connection with people going on that very ordinary ( for a lack of a better word) life because I have to be able to connect there, feel them and me and find the words to reach them and myself there. Why? I have no idea really. It is more a knowing.
I am telling you this because I know we are connected and whatever you experience and tell me is a reflection or mirror of my own experience. I am feeling more connected to you then before and that is because you came to this group and brought YOU to us. Even if you are stepping back in that human form I know your presence is here and has forever shaped part of my reality and therefore that of this group as well. Thank you dearly for that.
With Love
Catrin